i left an entire life for love to make myself happy and having the person not appreciate me half the time hurts worse than anything i've felt. i wouldn't expect him to understand that though.

hallo it's been awhile since i updated! so guess what u beautiful bitches i'm gonna hit you with some truth.

all of my favsie shows start up soon! yesterday justin and i went to ikea and i bought a new desk, so i'm going to start writing my book finally (no more poems and weird random snippits written on the backs of receipts self, i promise you). he also unpacked the rest of his stuff and I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom to perfection. Everything is sparkly and looks amazing. we bought a new shower curtain and it's so cute. these are the things i'm into now i guess.

today justin and I are going out to princess auto to buy me a staple gun so I can make my headboard. I bought this amazing floral fabric (yap u no me and anything floral - gotta have it) so i'm going to stuff it and put buttons on it as well. it's gonna look pretty great when I'm finished. We're also planning a house warming party for next weekend, which should be fun now that the place is finally starting to look like home. Nesting! yay!

In other news, I made this for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary, but I only have a picture of it half done currently. It's finished now and in an envelope ready to be sent to Ontario.

I've been watching Spartacus lately and I can't express my love for that show. So amazing. So sad the main character died of cancer after the first season D: SO sad they had to replace him. Apparently a third season is coming out this year?! Lucky me.

Anyway here's how I look lately, in case you all forgot

OKAY gonna go surf my life away on the internet now.

my life is one exhausting hurt after another and i don't even have zoe here to hold me together, physically and mentally, anymore. she is the only person who has the strength to do it. i trust no one in my life but her. she is the only person who loves me.

sexiest song. chorus gives me chills.

hiiiiiIIIIIIIII

i'm just hanging out waiting for my hair to dry and waiting for UPS to show up with my package. today it's supposed to rain and i'm super stoked. i haven't updated this blog in a forever years, but that's because i've been up to so many things, like finding a new condo (we get the key son my birthday!!) and working a lot. also watching a bunch of tv... and dealing with girls who want my boyfran ~bitches back awf~

guize look how long my hairs are now. pretty good.

i like to roll around in my bed and look happy. i have the softest soft blanket from costco and i wrap myself in it like a cocoon and go to bed

i'm still a big derp, like this one time i was doing laundry and smacked my head on the card reader when i stood up. i had a big bump and it hurt so bad. justin laughed for a year.

TODAY I AM GOING TO DO ARTS AND CRAFTS. it's my favourite part of helping justin with his projects. the crafts part. i'm going to paint and do stuff. but right now i'm going to watch a movie on netflix and also eat leftover pizza from last night. it's going to be... delicious. also i'm going to make tea, which i'm drinking way too much of lately... it needs to stop.

i'll leave you with a little... ~romantix songs~ from the notebook.




hahaha damn how could i love tyga this much

Guys! i haven't updated this in so long! i have a lot of updates!

soooo i promise to make them some other time! but soon!! i'm just busy with other shit ok

when people my age who are married talk about their lives, i want to barf at how boring it sounds.

1 exam down, 2 more to go. blegh. so ready to be finished this degree.

Next week is... so busy! I don't have a moment to myself. only 16 more days until i'm out of here. i have approximately a thousand dinners to attend within that time frame. ugh.

zo & i discuss starting a bookstore/coffeeshop

Amanda: ugh does this mean i have to work as a barista
Zoe: yes [:(]
Amanda: we should just like only serve normal coffee or tea
and if you want fancy coffee we scream in your face
throw books and cats at you
Zoe: HAHAHA
we'll train our cat to hate the scent of specialty coffee lovers

texting ez is the best.

a: when do you get back to stupid waterwoo
e: fucking april 30. straight to Roxanne for us!
a: amen
e: and we're getting non-kosher chicken and waffles!
a: AHHAHAHAHA
e: apparently a friend of mine won $1000 at amateur night
a: Holy shit! i could never do that.
a: i can only be awkward sexy
a: niche sexy

feel sick to your stomach. feel like you can do nothing right. horrible, horrible.

one of my favourite rap covers. that's how you do that, the right way.

mrah, so tired. would like to get a full night sleep. had a good talk with my man last night and now i feel a hundred times better.

tomorrow is my last class as an undergrad, ever. sooo weird. yesterday it kind of hit me that i'm not going to be on campus after this month. being an adult is weeeiiirddd. i've been having to think of things like full time big girl jobs and health insurance. what even.

there are still about a thousand things i've got to do but i feel good and organized and less stressed about that. going to focus on work and exams for now. adfoiwnepfaisdnfon 40 days!

I am soooo tired. Last week of classes this week! between finishing up two final papers, picking up extra hours at work and house hunting, i am beat. my days consist of nonstop writing, working, and preparing everything for da move. so many things to think about. i didn't realize being an adult would be this complicated, but it's nice and refreshing to have things to do to prepare. that's what i'm good at.

have been tirelessly selling all the extra shit to get rid of baggage and things i don't need. have made over $500 on it all so far. pretty excited. got a couple more big items i want to sell before i'm gone, so just working on that now.

mrah i am tired.

[12-03-19 1:49:10 PM] Zoe K: uggh i'm so tired
[12-03-19 1:49:19 PM] Zoe K: my legs hurt from walking so much
[12-03-19 1:49:22 PM] A: sleep when you're dead
[12-03-19 1:49:33 PM] Zoe K: and then you see the house for like a minute and leave
[12-03-19 1:49:38 PM] Zoe K: i fee like..the amazing race
[12-03-19 1:49:43 PM] A: HAHAHAHA
[12-03-19 1:49:52 PM] A: except no million dollars
[12-03-19 1:49:54 PM] A: jsut a place to live
[12-03-19 1:49:59 PM] A: it's like the amazing race for homeless people
[12-03-19 1:50:06 PM] Zoe K: yeah i d'nt know if this is actually waht they do. I've never seen the show.
[12-03-19 1:50:06 PM] Zoe K: HAHAHA
[12-03-19 1:50:14 PM] Zoe K: they should do that next season
[12-03-19 1:50:21 PM] A: HAHAHAHAHA
[12-03-19 1:50:23 PM] A: homeless edition
[12-03-19 1:50:26 PM] A: amazing
[12-03-19 1:50:31 PM] A: like they should just allow homeless people to play all game shows
[12-03-19 1:50:40 PM] Zoe K: HAHAHAHA
[12-03-19 1:50:42 PM] A: it would be way more exciting because they ahve so much on the line
[12-03-19 1:50:42 PM] Zoe K: OMG
[12-03-19 1:50:49 PM] Zoe K: I'M PICTURING IT RIGHT NOW AND IT'S AMAZING
[12-03-19 1:50:55 PM] A: HAHAHAHA RIGHT?!
[12-03-19 1:50:57 PM] A: WE ARE PITCHING THIS
[12-03-19 1:51:10 PM] Zoe K: and if they say no
[12-03-19 1:51:12 PM] Zoe K: LETTER WRITING CAMPAIGN FOR LYFE

yesterday my entire family went out to the new frozen yogurt place in town. it was fun, and nice to be all together. my sister got some bad news and got screamed at on the phone by some guy she's paying to take care of her horses. she came home in tears because she was so angry and outraged and i felt sooo terrible. i hate seeing my little sister like that.

it was so beautiful and sunny yesterday that i thought for sure today i could take my laptop into the backyard and work outside all day, but as luck would have it, it's overcast and foggy out D: great

only two more weeks of class! over next two days i have to edit my modernism essay and write 1,000 words on my psych one. blegh. might just make it a long night tonight and try to get it all done in one go. i'm sure there has to be terrible tv movies on that i can watch.

st patty's day is gonna be amateur hour. kind of glad i have to stay home. gonna go load up on snacks and then get down to business. but first, need to take a bath to relax and get my head in the right place to do all this weeerk

woke up to thunder so loud it was shaking my house. yay ontario!

A: what's up
Z: oh just working on some school stuff
A:sounds fascinating
Z: oh it is
A: hahahahaha
i don't believe you
I BELIEVE IN NOTHING
Z: hahaha
A: I'M A DISENCHANTED ENGLISH GRADUATE
i wonder how long that will be funny for
Z: EVERYTHING IS A LIE
A: probably until i graduate
then the joke becomes my life
Z: hahaha
and it becomes a real thing
hahahaha

pay a copious amount for a termly parking pass. drive to class. circle around the entire campus. all parking lots that you know of are completely full with campus police waving you along. scream silently in your own head. turn around and go home.

THANKS UW OPEN HOUSE YOU BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS, YOU MADE ME MISS A CLASS I PAID FOR BECAUSE I COULDN'T GET A PARKING SPOT I ALSO PAID FOR BECAUSE YOU'RE MORE INTERESTED IN PARKING MOMS AND SNOT NOSED HIGH SCHOOLERS TO RUN AROUND THE CAMPUS FOR A DAY.

holy shit priorities.

Amanda: omg why is my room so HOT
why are my thoughts so DISJOINTED

Zoe: let's trade. Mine is freezing.
and that pizza pocket i had was..not great.
maybe it was because i ate it out of a bowl

Amanda: i remember when every day after high school
i would come home and eat a pizza pocket
grossest years of my life

Zoe: hahahahahahaha

Amanda: but i would eat it with a knife and fork to feel fancier
while watching mtv cribs

almost finished one essay. debating whether i should just take the rest of the night off and treat myself. i think i will, i've done nothing but work all weekend.

met up with zoe today. soooo nice catching up with her. we're both going our separate ways next year but she's definitely one of those forever friends that i'm always going to stay in contact with. i've never met a single person that i could so completely be myself with and share all my crazy thoughts and have them completely returned and accepted so warmly. i'm pretty sure anyone else would think i should be institutionalized if they ever heard our conversations. we get each other.

i want to take up needlepoint when i finish my exams sooo badly. that's going to be my next crafty project. i want to make pillow covers and also just framed works. i've already thought up a few hilarious ones to make for friends.

hope won reserve champion at her horse show today, she rules.

sent out resumes to six different publishing houses today inquiring about internships. fingers crossed something comes of it. it'd be really nice to get into the publishing industry, i'm pretty interested in it. would love to learn more, and this is basically the best way to start out. gotta get some pictures together of my handmade cards to send to a scrapbooking magazine that i wouldn't mind working at either. i'm a 40 year old mom stuck in a 21 year old girl's body, what is wrong with me.

weather is fucking gorgeous and it is seriously boosting my mood. i never realize how bad winter gets me down until the sun comes up for 2 days in a row. hope it stays and we don't get too much rain.

i wanna sleep for a whole week. that would be sooo nice. i also desperately want for classes to be over so i can have the time to thoroughly clean up this room. it's getting disgusting and i hate working in all this clutter. my desk is awful.

started a list of things i need to sell in april. it's pretty substantial. i have collected a TON of shit over the years and now it does nothing but gather dust and take up space in my life. i just want to completely downsize and start fresh, that would feel nice.

so busy. only THREE MORE WEEKS left of undergrad classes. only three more essays left to write as an undergrad. only three more exams to take as an undergrad.

super busy. writing papers on love & religion in four of Greville's poems, how world war 1 altered the sense of sight in the modernist literature of James Joyce and Virginia Woolf, and one other I haven't decided about yet for psychology. something brilliant i'm sure.

also i hate myself for liking these songs but i just really do ok









and that's your dose of real culture and pop culture for the day! got a good offer for graduate studies at UW, going to accept and defer for a year. got sum plans to take a year off for myself and head out west. awee yah

i'm pretty bummed out and overloaded with work. death march. only one more month and i'm home free.

i'm really busy and everyone's really busy. i just want a hug or a call from my boy. hanging out with my mom and helping her pick out yarn today was nice. hope comes home on friday and i'm stoked to sit on the couch writing papers all weekend and watching movies with her.

i'm just like... 85% burnt out and working my way up to a full 100. i am ready for my undergrad to be done with. i am ready to be finished spending literally weeks writing a paper to have it returned and feel disappointed no matter the mark. i just don't have any ideas anymore and i'm tired of regurgitating someone else's. i want to be reading the books i want to read, and writing, creatively, not academically. i want to be in a new setting and have people i like around me, not the majority of these people here i absolutely despise. and i realize i'll probably dislike people wherever i go, but there are some pretty great people where i want to be headed.

just hanging out with my boyfriend.

bakin cuppycakes and so stoked on it. justin's making spaghetti for dinner later. kinda a lazy day. he's doing work and i'm just baking and bumbling around. yesterday i cleaned the kitchen like a #1 waifu. dinner last night was awesome - he took me to the calgary tower and we had dinner in the revolving restaurant. afterward when we were taking the elevator back down, i told him he was the best boyfriend and he fist pumped then tebowed which made the night pretty much perfect. so much romances.

since i missed valentines, justin is taking me out for dinner tonight (he won't tell me where but probably dorsia although i doubt he can get reservations there even though he is patrick bateman). then we're going to drive to the mountains to see the stars, since there's too much light pollution in calgary and near banff they will be awesome.

yesterday was a nice day. tried to do the photo shoot but some gear was being finicky so had to pack up and come back.

idk what the plans for the rest of the week are but i know at some point we're going to see sherlock holmes and mission impossible at the cheap theater. that's all folks

hi

it's a good morning.

got to calgary last night. had mcdonalds. there was a dude standing behind us counting mad stacks. i didn't pay attention to him (because i never pay attention to anything) and after we got out justin said the dude nudged him and asked if he was with me. justin said yes and then the guy motioned for him to go closer to me. what is going on?! i only get hit on in calgary. we walked home and saw the loneliest avenue with a dead rose and an empty champagne bottle. happy valentines day!

justin went out snowboarding this morning so i'm lazing in bed and am going to take the longest shower and then analyze some poems for an essay. later we're gon get booster juice and then maybe figure out what we're doing this week.

so happy to be out of waterloo!

dis my shit

i leave in four days! just thinkin good thoughts & keepin myself mad busy until then.

A Marie
like the luigi one was
i thought i was on candid camera
Zoe
what's candid camera?
A Marie
wait...
omg..
you were alive in the 90's right..
how can you not know what candid camera is...
i'm having a crisis of existential proportions every time you tell me you don't know something vital to my childhood
which is getting to be a daily thing
like were you even alive then? or did you just like skip right to 17 years old
Zoe
i was born after the 90s. I just age fast.
I'm going to die at 30.
A Marie
are you reverse benjamin button

never have i felt so hurt in all my life by someone i cared about.

listenin to this song while editing papers. ok good.

justin calls my cell, gets my answering machine and yells 'HAAAAAAAA'

he was practicing his american psycho yell.

this is the kind of relationship i'm in! :3

kanye helps me write. gettin schooled.

12 days to calgary

i've had the most stressful last two weeks. i'm ready for something to give. i just want to get these essays finished and sleep.

we getting married to the streets.

no matter how hard you try to please people, it never ends up being enough. i'm tired of being tired.

life is crazy busy. i thought this semester would be an easy ride but i was waaaay off the mark on that one. i rarely get a free night to myself.



i 100% miss this dude and am stoked to see him in 17 days. gonna take so many naps and get fatted up and so many cuddles.

and today on white whine...

amanda: i'm getting desperate coming up with ideas to make money. i feel like a 40 year old mom selling all my shit on kijiji
zoe: but don't you get your tuition refund soon? don't you get osap?
amanda: no...
zoe: omg it's like $800. i'm so excited.
amanda: my parents make too much money for me to get osap. i wish that my parents were poor.
zoe: that is some white whine shit right there, wishing your parents had less money.

watched this movie tonight. cried face off. hit close to home, etc etc.

this weekend was good and relaxing and was just what i needed. i feel recharged and re-energized and most of all happy. it's a good feeling and i feel like i can be supportive and myself again, especially with this busy week that i'm entering currently.

next movies on the list are departed and ides of march.

caitlin, in response to my pepsi, sushi, and sweater addictions

"why can't you just be addicted to drugs like a normal person"

ur condo is the g-spot

hallo this is your captain speaking

this week in mika doesn't let me rant and also unsuccessfully teaches me about the finer points of planning ahead

[12-01-17 2:03:46 PM] Mihajlo Ilic: if it is stressing you out this much, plan out your days from now until next week
[12-01-17 2:04:58 PM] A: WELL I DID THAT
[12-01-17 2:05:01 PM] A: and look where it got me
[12-01-17 2:06:13 PM] Mihajlo Ilic: it got you fine, you cant plan out for things that arent in your control. life is going to throw a monkey wrench in your plans once in awhile and you have to deal with it. its not the end of the world
[12-01-17 2:06:28 PM] A: ya it is
[12-01-17 2:06:40 PM] A: not the end of the world but succeeds in thoroughly pissing me off
[12-01-17 2:07:20 PM] Mihajlo Ilic: and is being angry helping you?
[12-01-17 2:07:24 PM] A: yeah
[12-01-17 2:07:28 PM] A: it's makin me rull mad
[12-01-17 2:07:40 PM] A: is being self righteous helping u?
[12-01-17 2:07:51 PM] A: jk seriously tho just let me vent
[12-01-17 2:08:20 PM] Mihajlo Ilic: you sound like youre one thought away from coming to school with an AK haha
[12-01-17 2:08:28 PM] A: HAHA

waddup

super busy, but it feels good. going back to work and having money again feels good. spending my weekends having actual physical things to do feels good. i am definitely not one of those people that does well on an abundance of free me time. i thrive on werk twerk.

i really dig my classes. the psalms class i was unsure of because of the religion aspect, but i've started treating it all just like i would any other literature class, and the prof seems to really like everything i have to say in the seminars, so it's going well. obviously i love my modernism class, since i get to study both of the authors i want to do my master's thesis on. started writing the first essay for that class and it's a breeze. my personality theory class is way harder than the psychology classes i've been used to taking, particularly because of the writing 10 page papers aspect. it's been a lot of research, but once i got the hang of psych research, it's not that different from researching for an english essay, so i've got a groove going now.

started getting ahead in my lectures for my vacay in february. feels good man. only 32 more days until calg. one month down, one to go.

mika tells me i'm fat and ugly

A Marie
i'm kind of addicted to pepsi...
but i've like weaned myself off it
with some diet coke to cool the urge once in awhile
it makes me hate myself
Mika
ewww diet coke
so gross
A Marie
well i'm also addicted to niko niko and warm sweaters
I KNOW RIGHT?!
it's so gross that it makes me hate drinking pepsi
Mika
i can taste the aspartame
A Marie
me too
i close my eyes and pretend it's pepsi
nad i'm like 'this tastes like SHIT'
i'm going to pavlov myself
Mika
and it makes you fatter than regular coke haha
A Marie
are you calling me fat
Mika
most people use the word condition haha
no
A Marie
most people aren't full retard
or this beautiful
Mika
i'm telling you the properties of coke

this is a song that i 100% dig right now.

oh, have i mentioned i'm super happy lately blog? well i am.

lightin skypedate with LEDs, that's tru romance.

also right around the time when jp said we're gonna have retard sex. i'm dating a tru romantix.

super tired and super busy already. got 7 essays to write this semester. not looking forward to writing 3 10 page papers for personality theory... ugh.

forty more days until i get to go to calgary again. woohoo. gonna be a good vacation.

i'm about halfway finished knitting justin's sweater. it's turning out pretty good so far. everyone is telling me it looks like a sweater you could buy from a store so i guess that is a compliment.

k i'm gonna go spend the day reading joyce.

always making me laff. been busy lately, updates latar.

my head is tired.