to do today on my day off when I stayed up til 3 and woke up at 11:

- Go to the library and pick up some books on 18th century pornography
- Read more of Pamela
- Contact McGuirk about a recommendation quicktimes.
- Start writing my statement of interest... when I have no idea what exactly I can bring to the study of focalization in modernist literature that is 'new' or 'exciting' or that hasn't been done before. fuuuuuuuuck.
- Contact scholarship coordinator and ask for department deadline. Also ask for transcript.
- Possibly shower at some point. and eat, that would be good too.
- Watch all the good television that's on thursday nights just to fucking spite me.
- Get Dan to send me his statement of interest so I can have an idea of what the fuck I'm writing.

I'm seriously worried about this and starting to second guess myself. maybe i'm not cut out for grad school? what can i honestly bring to the table in an area that has been looked at and picked apart by some of the most brilliant people ever, for years. i'm tired of trying to prove myself and this seems like it's the year for that. i feel lonely and lost and it's probably normal but it's frustrating after being so sure of myself all summer.