i make her say...

a got a hole in me now
yeah i got a scar i can talk about.

i don't want to be needed.

okay marry me now...

going to sushi with ethan soon. then later working on art blog & study date with my zoe.

matchbox 20 kick is still going pretty strong... dunno if it'll wear off anytime soon.

calgary in 4 days now. holy shit. i should start getting ready for that.

Trying to ward off the sick... hot water with lemon and honey has been helping. sleep might but i don't foresee it in my near future.

Maybe a nap on the imprint couch after my midterm tomorrow is in order... we'll see.

mika's making me do stupid things to cheer me up.

why are you guilty for the way you're feeling now?

sitting outside studying on a beautiful 15 degree waterloo day... best feeling.



LOOK AT ALL THESE POSTITS.

hilarious story that mika texted me during wednesday night class that is probably true to life.

MIKA: Once there was this woman
She was pretty
Like super pretty
Gorgeous
Ittt may or may not be you. So this fiiine lady was walking down the street, lookin all badass and shit, when she suddenly gets transported to another dimension, full of cats
So she goes nuts because she loves cast, but they don't feel like cats. They suddenly turn into dogs, because they be bitches who can transform to fuck things up. They now want to attack her so she runs to the nearest building, and its named CLS (oooohhh, i just got this play on SLC... so good mika!)
The locks the door and catches her breath. Her adrenaline is pumping so that when a hand is placed on her shoulder, she karate chops the person in the neck.
Its a girl, she realizes, and the girl is choking on air. Our heroine apologizes and when the girl isn't dying from that wicked awesome move, she says her name is Blowy, and that she can help.
"cool, how do i escape?"
"you wont tell me your name"
"no, it's more badass that way"
So blowy says the only way out is through a showing of courage to impress the gods, or whatever. Our heroine knows what she must do. She walks towards the door, and blowy starts getting paranoid.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOURE GOING TO DIE, THEY MIGHT HAVE RABIES"
Pauses, looks up with strength and says "i aint no bitch"
She holds the handle on the door, and she can hear blowy crying and taking out some stuff to calm her down. She opens the door.
Beserker rage is full on. She kicks, punches, and sprays blood everywhere with expletives laced every attack. She was swearing so much that the devil became scared. When the battle was done, she laughs hysterically. Then she is back in her own world in a crowd of people. She gets embarrassed and turns red. She tells the story to her friend Zoe and she doesn't believe her, but liked Blowy. She tells the guy she likes and he totally believes her. She goes home, and as she is about to sleep, whispers "i am such a bamf"


CAN I JUST SAY, AMAZING.

there are so many things that happen in lectures with profs that i can't look at zoe otherwise i will literally lose my shit in the middle of class. for some reason every time a prof says 'mandate' i get the intense urge to giggle. of course it happened like 4 times in my english classes and also once in my pyschology class. perfect.

when i get excited i scream 'yaaaaaa!!' really quietly but like a hiss, kind of like how people imitate crowds going wild. it makes zoe go crazy with laughter.

what would i seriously do without my zoe.

mika texted me the most hilarious story last night in class... i wish i could scroll back to it and write it here but i'm too lazy right now. maybe later, remind me blog.

going out for sushi date with kelly in like, mere minutes. SO EXCITE. haven't seen kelly in weeks and also sushi. mmmm. mad cravin.

this weekend is going to be GOOD. gonna have some fun before i have to lock down and write a bajillion essays and apply for grad school.
Friday: some bunny's birthday kegger, i think it's name is Bubbles. Hoppy birthday.
Saturday: cait's costume party. so excite. not entirely sure what i'm going to be yet but i think i have a lame idea that will be good.
Sunday: CAKE. CAKECAKECAKE. okay i'm really looking forward to cake ok guize?

next weekend, maybe shopping in TO? Zoe and i both need new stuff... ya this needs to happen.

Z: Yaaaa!! :3
Z: Hahaha omg yesterday when you did that for the movie I was like having a seizure I couldn't stop laughing
A: Oh wait wat are you talking about
Z: The "yAAAAAAA!" thing you hissed in my ear. Hahahaha
A: HAHAHAHA sorry I was really excited
Z: HAHAHA everytime I think about it I like laugh really hard. Usually when I'm alone.
A: Omg we have the loneliest best friendship
Z: Hahahaha I love it

WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT MY GURL ZOE?!?!

and that about sums things up for me.

it's like no matter how i feel that one word decimates me.

i am being silly



i luv the way i dress sundays. i wish that it was everyday dress. oversized band t-shirts, glasses, hair messy, leftover makeup, old jeans. MOST COMFORTABLE EVER.

well you got to think with a girl like that any luck at all, well it's better than nothing.

singing matchbox 20 at top of my lungs all morning long. going to go steal supernatural season 5 from my caitie girl now and then help my mom cook.

if i could please and make everyone happy in a second, i would do it.

guess it's me first, right? that's what you've got to do, right? brutal honesty or gtfo.

i have the reddest red hair in the land and i feel pretty and just the best. mood improved by 50% at least.

i like the idea of being chased by someone. i don't know if i'd like the actual thing, but the idea is a nice one.

weather is so grumpy and makes me grumpy, too. i'm always grumpy lately. case of the grumps.

usually when people start acting like they like me, i get the fuck out of there asap.

addicting sounds are addicting.

everything tastes like tears. everything is day old regret and everything is too late.

i wrap myself in something soft and stop the feeling. i let people use me up until there's none of me left.

i'm tired, gross, pouty and i'm getting sick. i want to slip into a big sweater and glasses and just veg. instead i only get to rest for a little before night class tonight. also it's raining so my hair is doing... terrible things...

think i'm going to curl up and watch some supernatural.

Z: omg I'm going to die.
A: AHAHA not before we create all these masterpieces to leave for society
Z: HAHA
A: I wonder if people will really study us after we die.
Z: Probably. I mean, I would.
A: Yeah idk I might be biased but i'm pretty certain we're the fucking bomb.
Z: No that is probably just the facts. If people don't study us, I have no faith in humanity

i'm tired.

sad life i live...

[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:13pm
hahaha
OMG MY TEA
srsly brb
[You]
Report · 11:13pm
HAHAH WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM
i'm just eating a plate of shredded cheese...
maybe i shouldn't talk
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:14pm
HAHAHAHA i love nighttime cheese fests.
[You]
Report · 11:14pm
i feel liek the biggest fatty wheneve ri just munch on some cheese
like sometimes i think omg i hsould just like microwave some cheese...
and just eat that
like not even with nachos
just the cheese...
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:15pm
HAHAHAHAHAHA
omg
i'm like crying and laughing and coughing.

weird shit is going on with my hair but i can't even be bothered to fix it because i'm cranky while in the best mood imaginable. 5 hours of sleep later and i definitely need more but instead i'm going to go to work on a HOLIDAY so i can avoid having to work with people. it's going to be the fucking best. i'm going to be able to sing while working. and dance. omg. ok peacing now.

baiii

2 hour skype convos are the best hour skype convos.

can't stop listening to this fucking song.

happy thanksgiving! here's what i'm wearing and feeling rather cranky about it.







CLEARLY ALL CLASS ALL THE TIME.



being me should be illegal. having too much fun by myself. ok gonna go toddle down the street in heels now.

i am trying to model my life as if it's after a person i could be proud of. i'm hitting a lot of bumps on the way. i miss zoe.

sometimes i tell myself that i hate this, i hate you, but it's a lie: it's me i hate, instead.

whenever i try to be a good person, it turns out a whole lot worse than i ever expected.

my life is always a choice between scylla and charybdis and there is no right way to go or cut your losses.

i tend to talk without thinking, ia lwyas regret things in the mornigng.

whoops!

just another sound that i would 100% fuck.

how i felt past 2 months.

dancing around my room singing this song.

handing in my grad scholarship application tomorrow... eeeeek, so nervous but also relieved! it'll be a good weight off my back.

everyone's going home for thanksgiving except me, because i already am home and live here, so this weekend will be amanda time for sure. gonna recharge and get a ton of reading done.

i think i've been dealing fairly well with stress lately. a good sign, since i've had a lot of it.

so much good tv is on tonight!! why do you do this to me television, on the night before a midterm. whyyyyyy.

i may be a silly girl, but i can get tired of your games real, real fast.

stoked that zoe and i are starting a blog titled "james joyce sober" for our writing and all of our crazy endeavors/plans. should be up in about two weeks.

my brain is so fucked up.

i want to sleep or cry or scream or punch glass.

meeting with another prof tomorrow. fuck.

He told me, every scar you have is going to tell a story
with both hands around your neck,
it's always going to be a sad one,
you are always going to be white washing the walls,
looking for white noise in all the wrong places
when all you're ever going to find is black,
some infinite place to rest your head -
it's not going to be beautiful.

You stay awhile, you memorize every line,
you play your part real good and cool until it's up,
you press your mouth to every artery and squeeze:
lap me up.

The Inuit, they have 25 words for snow, for cold,
and I press my mouth against your neck, your ear
and whisper dampness: i need just as many for sadness.

[Zoe Kim]
Report · 10:59pm
HAHAHA shaking and crying xD
[You]
Report · 10:59pm
hahahaha what i'll be doing that entire day
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:01pm
i don't know why i'm laughing so hard at that image
[You]
Report · 11:02pm
HAHAHAHAHA
can you picture me doing it
while people are reading me ulysses
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:02pm
HAHAH yeah
and you are babbling incoherently
[You]
Report · 11:03pm
like crying into a beer
a pint of beer
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:03pm
HAHAHA omg
[You]
Report · 11:03pm
okay now this has to happen

i love watching movies with people who just want to make fun of them. memorable moments:

during jennifer's body:
mika: how would you guys feel if every morning i say you i said "good morning, i have a wettie"
zoe: how would you feel if every morning i barfed on your shoes?

during teeth:
mika: i would still date her... i'm fine with blowjobs.

zoe: IF I SEE ONE MORE DICK ON THE FLOOR I AM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND

during bridesmaids:
mika: oh my lord i just realized kristen wiig's character is based on amanda.
amanda: that's totally untrue.

(after scenes of freak out at bridal shower and driving past the cop playing rap music)
amanda: okay fuck that's me.