[Zoe Kim]
Report · 10:59pm
HAHAHA shaking and crying xD
[You]
Report · 10:59pm
hahahaha what i'll be doing that entire day
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:01pm
i don't know why i'm laughing so hard at that image
[You]
Report · 11:02pm
HAHAHAHAHA
can you picture me doing it
while people are reading me ulysses
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:02pm
HAHAH yeah
and you are babbling incoherently
[You]
Report · 11:03pm
like crying into a beer
a pint of beer
[Zoe Kim]
Report · 11:03pm
HAHAHA omg
[You]
Report · 11:03pm
okay now this has to happen

i love watching movies with people who just want to make fun of them. memorable moments:

during jennifer's body:
mika: how would you guys feel if every morning i say you i said "good morning, i have a wettie"
zoe: how would you feel if every morning i barfed on your shoes?

during teeth:
mika: i would still date her... i'm fine with blowjobs.

zoe: IF I SEE ONE MORE DICK ON THE FLOOR I AM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND

during bridesmaids:
mika: oh my lord i just realized kristen wiig's character is based on amanda.
amanda: that's totally untrue.

(after scenes of freak out at bridal shower and driving past the cop playing rap music)
amanda: okay fuck that's me.

oh my lord, listening to maroon five while writing this statement of interest is the worst ever. all i'm doing is just singing and reading research material.

ethan said my statement is pro. GENIUS STAMP OF APPROVAL?! feeling slightly less like vomming everywhere.

horror movie marathon tonight feat. mika and zoe. on the bill: teeth, jennifer's body, and bridesmaids (the last was mika's choice, idk)

my modernist prof today was drawing arches to represent st pancras station and halfway through he goes "oh gross" and starts over. could not stop giggling. luv him.

THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE.

[Mika Ilic]
Report · 2:46pm
YOU CAN DO ITTTTT
[You]
Report · 2:49pm
THANKS MIKA
[Mika Ilic]
Report · 2:51pm
WHAT YOU LACK IN HEIGHT YOU MAKE UP FOR TENFOLD IN BADASSERY, THEY'D BE FOOLISH NOT TO MAKE YOU A GRAD
[You]
Report · 2:53pm
HAHAHA

to do today on my day off when I stayed up til 3 and woke up at 11:

- Go to the library and pick up some books on 18th century pornography
- Read more of Pamela
- Contact McGuirk about a recommendation quicktimes.
- Start writing my statement of interest... when I have no idea what exactly I can bring to the study of focalization in modernist literature that is 'new' or 'exciting' or that hasn't been done before. fuuuuuuuuck.
- Contact scholarship coordinator and ask for department deadline. Also ask for transcript.
- Possibly shower at some point. and eat, that would be good too.
- Watch all the good television that's on thursday nights just to fucking spite me.
- Get Dan to send me his statement of interest so I can have an idea of what the fuck I'm writing.

I'm seriously worried about this and starting to second guess myself. maybe i'm not cut out for grad school? what can i honestly bring to the table in an area that has been looked at and picked apart by some of the most brilliant people ever, for years. i'm tired of trying to prove myself and this seems like it's the year for that. i feel lonely and lost and it's probably normal but it's frustrating after being so sure of myself all summer.

gonna memorize this over the semester if it kills me.

hnnnngggg i always wanna fuck ur voice.

Amanda: Omg walked by my car in parking lot. so embarrassed.
Zoe: Omg you need sleep. worried about your drive back...

hilarious development in my life.

walking to go to my prof's office and this guy takes a bit of his apple and then turns and CHUCKS it at the building next to us and does a FIST PUMP. looking so satisfied. could not keep my shit together, actually dying trying to hold it in until he passed us at which point zoe and i broke out into spastic fits of laughter.

this is why i can't be a psychologist, because i would just be like "don't change him, keep them all exactly as crazy as they are"

A: I feel like i'm the kind of girl that if i were a serial killer, my method would be have sex with a dude and right as he climaxes, just gut him.
Mika: Is it really weird that this is a thing I can see you doing? Would they call you the climax killer?

This is your brain on two hours sleep.

I've been writing poems since six am. working toward i don't know what. I have a meeting with Mcarthur at 11:30... ugh. i have to interview a person for an imprint position at 2. really i just want to climb back in bed and disappear. i'm going to try and sneak out of the office for a nap before night class and if anyone tries to stop me i am going to actually fight them.

also this is the comfiest shirt ever. blaaahhhhh

I retreat to lick my wounds. Soak myself in something bigger, soak myself in "everlasting", whatever that means, however long it lasts. He is like the look of sideways glances, and it's always second-guessing. It's always a step in the wrong direction with me, why do I do this to myself, dry sobbing the story of my life with my face pressed to the carpet and she's singing. Blink once if you understand me. Blink twice if you stopped giving a fuck. Don't blink at all if you're numb.

My god, those hands are life and death. I seek salvation in the small stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'm a bigger picture kind of girl, but god damn can you make my insides curl. I write high school poetry and forget myself. Delete, write raps that make me big, make me mean. I am unthinking, unfeeling, I can be cold too. All that ice at your fingertips and my god you are good at it.

Two hours of sleep and I dream that a man rips another man limb from limb. I wake up feeling ill, cold sweat, unable to place myself. Feeling bodiless I scramble for my limbs, touch every single one until I'm sure I'm me, sure I didn't fall apart in my sleep, nope, I'm here. I'm always here. What's that thing I always say when people ask me if I'm okay? Oh yeah, I'm always okay.

Count my ribs count the years on my hands god I am so small what is the use. Moth to the flame, motherfucker, here I go. There are two types of people and I am one of them. I am not going to make myself regret, I promise, every night between my fingers I lose things, I'm trying not to lose myself. The things inside my head, damn, you don't want to know. I spout apologies for myself like prayers, like it'll do me any good, like I am a thing worth saving.

bite your lip until you taste blood.